Maranatha

....if I ever get a tattoo...it will say "Maranatha"

"O Lord, come!" 1 Corinthians 16:22

Take me away with You...

"For your love is better than wine" Song of Solomon 1:2

So much better than the pleasures of this age...

"And the Spirit and the bride say, "Come!" And let him who hears say, "Come!" Revelation 22:17

May my life beckon Your return...

"Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of Heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband..." Revelation 21:2

Sanctify, redeem, and prepare us as the holy bride made ready for the Bridegroom Jesus Christ...
Maranatha.
O Come Lord Jesus.

"They shall see His face and His name shall be on their foreheads" Revelation 22:4

Marked as Yours...

"God himself will be with them and be their God" Revelation 21:3

Face to face. Holding Your hand in mine.

"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes, there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away...Behold, I make all things new..." Revelation 21:4-5

Dreaming of that day.
Overwhelmed by the reality of eternity.
Preoccupied with the visions of Heaven.
Envious of those who are already There.
Anticipating sitting at Your feet.
Anxious to sing in Your ear.
Ready to run into Your arms.
Maranatha.

Free by Fascination

"A man who has lost his sense of wonder is a man dead."
*William of Saint-Thierry

How easy it is to lose the sense of wonder for our Maker...
My mind is hard pressed in this new season, ever looming with the wonderings of the secondary...
....responsibilities
....finances
...bills
...running
...rest
...cooking
...relationships
...a husband
...future
...a new city
...limited time
...roommates
...jobs

Selfish. I have discovered this crazy, strong part of me...this sense of entitlement. I have agreed with the lies of Satan as I have adopted this idea of entitlement, of demanding that which I choose to be called mine...

I deserve this.
I said this, therefore...
I've always had this, I should always have it.
I'm gifted in this area, so I should go there.
I worked for this money, I get to decide where it goes.
I went to college, so I should be doing this, getting this.
I come from this family, so..
I did this, so I should have this.

Oh no...Not that I would ever voice these things...or hardly even think them in my own mind...it's very much subconscious...and very subtle...yet evil, dangerous, and consuming. Come oh winds of testing...let the winds blow. Come oh winds of refreshing...let the winds blow over me.

....oh how grateful I am that I serve the God of "more grace"...I need more.
I deserve death. Nothing more.
Forgive me Jesus for my unrelenting attempt of self-preservation.

Let me be free.
Free to be fascinated.
Fascinated with You.
Your glory.
Your coming.
Your grace.
Your calling.
Your majesty.
Your creation.
The union of my soul with Yours.
Make ready Your bride...

What are you wondering about?
Wonder about something...about Someone.

Simple Words

Start by doing what's necessary;

.....then do what's possible;

and suddenly you are doing the impossible.
---Saint Francis of Assisi

Coming back to Life...

I have been a sketchy blogger and a lazy writer the past few months...
I'm going to try to revive this thing in coming weeks...

But for now...a few things I am learning in the world of practicality post-college in no particular order:

1. I have diagnosed myself several times to be experiencing an identity crisis...this leads to sudden and rash decisions such as chopping my hair, booking plane tickets, wearing high top converses with my scrubs, baking a lot, going to bed at 10pm, going to get frozen yogurt by myself...and things of the like.

2. Training for a marathon is somewhat difficult people.

3. Men with little dogs freak me out. They are everywhere around my apartment in Uptown.

4. I have mostly conquered my fear of toll roads.

5. Dallas is fun, but still not as cool as LA.

6. There are weird people everywhere.

7. Waking up at 5:15am gives me some weird sense of accomplishment.

8. Laying down anywhere after work is not a good idea = asleep in moments. Hard to recover from this.

9. Dallas drivers are the worst I've seen.

10. I love the Village Church...a lot.

11. Living in an apartment is much easier than living in a home...who knew?

12. I need a big dog to run with me...but I refuse to have an inside dog...which poses a problem when you live in an apartment.

13. The idea of a pay check is still weird to me...like it's weird that they keep paying me over and over again.

14. I love being categorized with the group "young professionals"...haaaha.

15. It is a strange thing to enter the working world as a 22 yr old, single woman.

16. The thought of a family excites me more than ever before.

17. Speaking of family...I miss mine...some days more than I did when I was in college...strange.

18. Gmail is necessary.

19. I am currently up too late.

20. This is a random post. Get over it.

Real stuff..coming your way soon :)

Release

"Roll the whole burden of life upon the Lord. Leave with Jehovah not thy present fretfulness merely, but all thy cares; in fact submit the whole tenor of thy way to Him. Cast away all anxiety, resign thy will, submit thy judgment, leave all with the God of all...the ploughman sows and harrows, and then leaves the harvest to God. What can he do else? He cannot cover the heavens with clouds, or command the rain, or bring forth the sun, or create the dew. He does well to leave the whole matter with God, and so to all of us it is truest wisdom, having obediently trusted in God, to leave results in His hands and expect a blessed issue."
--Spurgeon

Release your cares.
Breathe deeply.
Be still.
Listen.
Hear the Spirit's groaning on your behalf.
Be free.

For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Romans 8:26

And the God of PEACE will CRUSH Satan under your feet SHORTLY. The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you. Amen. Romans 16:20

...more than conquerors...

Take a Look Around

While in Africa I kept a running log of simple observations I made on a day to day basis...

Dusty, bare feet. Dry hands, Huge smiles. Unique smells. Contagious laughter. Willing sharers. Leather-like soles. Attentive listeners. Beautiful singers. Unashamed worshippers. Babies caring for babies. Swarming flies. Eager learners. Countless orphans. Grateful receivers. Tattered clothes. Bright eyes. Happy dancers. Respectful children. Diligent workers. Fatherless. Motherless. Nasty goats. Content souls. Hungry stomachs. Fast runners. Brilliant minds. Back-riding babies. Humble hosts. Welcoming spirits. Sweet harmonies. True community. Extremely grateful. Sick bodies. Two-handed wavers. Painted sunsets. Hearty eaters. Confusing hand-shakers. Inquisitive starers. Snotty noses. Slightly unaffectionate. Lonely little ones. Abandoned widows. Young population. Few men. Committed translators. Devoted Churchmen. Willing servants. Tired women. Helpless little ones. Creative kiddos. Unforgettable faces.

Much more to come from my African journey....but thought I would start simple as I begin to relay my experiences and my thoughts concerning this far-away land and these precious people.

A Quarter for the Homeless Man

The last few days have been well spent in Kansas City...spending hours on end at the International House of Prayer, precious time with a dear friend, extended moments to write, good rest, and not to mention being able to walk out the front door of my apartment across the street to Starbucks. I'm still convinced that at some point in my life I will spend at least a few months residing in Kansas City' I love this place.

Yesterday I was driving to lunch when a homeless man approached me at a stoplight. Despite my work with homeless, anytime this situation occurs - my mind is sent reeling. What's his story? Where has she been? How long has he been here? This man is someones child. This woman was created in the likeness of Christ. More times than not, I do not have cash - which only sends my mind spinning even more about what I have just done as I have passed by the least of these. (After feeling this way multiple times, I am beginning to think this is reason enough to always have a few dollars cash on hand)

I must say, this situation was slightly different and I had little time to think these thoughts...because this specific gentleman was at my window within moments screaming, literally screaming and shaking his finger at me. He yelled, "Give me a quarter. You're lying, I know you have a quarter. This is MY street, you have to give me a quarter." Now, I cannot say I thought pleasant thoughts at this moment. In fact, I was slightly offended...slightly humored...and slightly amazed that this man was yelling at my closed window. Kristin handed me a Dasani water bottle and I gave it to the man, who responded gratefully, "Well, that will work, that's worth a quarter."

We drove on, and I thought "That Dasani water is worth more than a quarter sir" (forgive me Jesus)...Kristin and I discussed the fact that all that man wanted was a quarter and how random that was. He was clearly drugged out and probably drunk too. We went on to eat, thinking nothing more of the quarter for the homeless man on the corner.

A few hours, I'm sitting in the prayer room at the International House of Prayer reading and this is what I read:
"One of the most revealing windows into a person's soul is the way she treats the outcast. Is the homeless person sleeping in the doorway seen as an eyesore and an annoyance, or as a human being deserving kindness and care? Is the street person who reeks of alcohol and asks for a quarter brushed aside with disdain, or treated with a respect inspired by the realization that..there but the grace of God go I?" (from The Lessons of St. Francis)

Seriously Jesus?
I give a lot of my life to the homeless, the downtrodden, the broken, the inner city....but this one time...and You are letting me have it. Thank you Jesus for conviction. Forgive me for being so good at justifying my own selfishness.

So take some time and ponder compassion today.

"By compassion we make others' misery our own." *Sir Thomas Browne

"Compassion is the sometimes fatal capacity for feeling what its like to live inside somebody else's skin. It is the knowledge that there can never really be any peace and joy for me until there is peace and joy finally for you too." *Frederick Buechner

Compassion takes effort...and sometimes it's fatal...and sometimes it's misery.

Are you willing?
For whatever you do unto the least of these you have done to My Father in Heaven...
Don't pass Him by.

When My Heart Skips a Beat...

Lately I have been trying to enjoy, recognize, and audibly thank Jesus for the little things that cause my heart to skip a beat...to see the beauty all around me...to call out His grace amidst the mundane work day...to be lost in wonder of this very big God who is all about even the very tiniest of details... Its these little glimpses of grace when my heart skips a beat when and my affections cannot help but be stirred for my Maker:

*watching an elderly couple walking hand in hand with coordinating plaid shorts.
*seeing 2 blue-eyed little girls with their daddy on a date.
*partaking in uncontrollable laughter.
*catching up with an old friend.
*the colors of the farmer's market.
*an answered prayer.
*airports and culture.
*ink on my journal pages.
*the grandmother in the projects who gets it.
*talking on the phone with my mom.
*working, walking, running legs.
*hearing about my Dad's day.
*finding my mind wondering about Heaven.
*the power of music over the soul.
*having lunch with my co-workers.
*chatting with Brenda Bailey.
*the exchanging of vows.
*an unexpected early morning text message.
*experiencing community.
*Ephesians 3:14-21.
*observing an older woman give her life to discipling the young ones.
*caramel lattes. vanilla lattes. toffee nut lattes. just lattes.
*a pregnant woman...weird, i know.
*a handwritten letter.
*pondering adoption.
*the one with nothing who gives generously.
*new people.
*love that pursues.
*honest questions.
*the individual who defies all the odds.
*Bethel worship.
*going home.
*overhearing spiritual conversation.
*the city skyline.
*thunderstorms.
*the Village.
*the affluent business man starting his day in the Word.
*being told about some one's legacy left behind.
*being asked the difficult questions by close friends.
*involuntary tears.
*singing at the top of my lungs in my car.
*open-air restaurants.
*a fascinated lover.
*a prophetic word.
*sitting in the corner booth with an over sized coffee mug and a used book.
*laughing with my brothers.
*choosing to see 5:30am as beautiful.
*seeing a man and wife on an evening jog.
*the hippie who doesn't conform.
*gerber-daisies.
*seeing one bow his head and bless his meal.
*organic meals.
*new parents.
*spending an evening in the international house of prayer via the webcast.
*changes.
*Martha, the Starbucks barista, grinning ear to ear at 6:45am.
*running outside.
*an ordinary sunset.

So I tell you...I tell you that these are the little moments from the last several weeks that I have stopped and said thank you Jesus...thank you for being a mighty God given to such minor detail. Give me the grace to recognize Your beauty all around.

You and Yours

Jesus...
Your mysteries astound me.
Your timing confuses me.
Your love romances me.
Your pursuit wins me.
Your faithfulness keeps me.
Your vastness scares me.
Your forgiveness convicts me.
Your power humbles me.
Your Spirit teaches me.
Your bloodshed saves me.
Your weighty presence carries me.
Your promise of Heaven assures me.
Your Word sustains me.
Your new mercies compel me.
Your justice comforts me.
Your perspective changes me.
Your beauty overwhelms me.
Your sacrifice challenges me.
Your miracles encourage me.
Your voice silences me.
Your ears hear me.
Your grace transforms me.

And yet, all You want is me.
Your heart wants mine.
But these hands cling to so much more
...this heart is easily enticed
...this flesh is quickly deceived.
...this mind is riddled with desires other than

Won't you romance me, O love of my soul?
Let no one hinder my pursuit.
Let nothing stand in the way of my complete victory.
Let no weariness or discouraging thought cause me to revert to apathetic thinking.
Bind me. Mark me. Keep me.
For You reward the seeker that is diligent.

But you beloved, building yourselves up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the Love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life...now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to present You faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy...to God our Savior, who alone is wise, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and forever. Amen.
Jude 20-21, 24-25

Daddy's Girl

A little Father's Day tribute :)
One of my most favorite things to watch is the way of a Father with his children, especially a daughter. There's something about it that I just cannot shake. The mutual adoration, the tender heart exposed...I just love it.

Once a Daddy's Girl...always a Daddy's girl.
I really believe that.
Dad, remember those dates we used to go on when I was a lil girl...Ryan's Steakhouse?
Remember when we used to go to your softball games and run around all the bases at the end?
Remember when you begged me to get in trouble at school, to stand on top of my desk and start dancing? ...just so I would quit trying to be so perfect.
Remember me you lead me to Jesus and you baptized me?
Remember when you made us move to Arkansas and we all thought our lives were over?
Remember when you coached me in basketball? ... I'll leave it at that.
Remember when we ran the concession stand for Upward basketball?
Remember when you took me to that Father/Daughter Conference in Tulsa...haaaaa.
Remember when you walked me down the aisle at homecoming...twice.
Remember when you would critique my basketball performance on those long drives home from away games?
Remember when I tore my ACL and you were taking pictures of me while I was crying on the side of the mountain...kindly explaining..."you'll appreciate these one day"
Remember when you dropped me off in the Freebirds parking lot at Texas A&M and I buried my head in your chest and bawled?
Rememeber when I called you and told you I was going skydiving?
Remember when you drove me to the airport and put on a plane to work in the ghetto in Los Angeles?
Remember when you moved me a million times over the course of my college career?

I remember those things oh so well and cherish each memory.
But what I cherish even more is...
Waking up every morning and seeing you reading the Word.
The way you make me laugh.
The fact that sometimes things don't make sense but you always choose obedience.
That you are the same man at work, church, and play that you are at home.
The many phone calls just to say "Im thinking about you Katie"
Your love for people.
The way you love Jesus more than your family.
Your quiet, humble yet extremely strong leadership ability. So unique.
The way you dream.
The way you cannot be boxed in.
That you are a reader.
Your visionary spirit.

Thank you for...
Leading.
Teaching.
Waiting.
Forgiving.
Pushing me.
Sarcasm.
Getting to know me.
Being a jokester with me.
Joy.
Loving sports.
Believing in me.
Being so fun.
Never missing a game.
Telling me I can and I will.
Obedience.
Faithfulness.
Being a man's man.
Integrity.
Loving the Word.
Showing my brothers what it means to be a Godly mae.
Contending for a Godly marriage.
Loving your bride like Christ loves the Church.

And Dad, one more thing...thank you for both the blessing (and the curse) for setting the standard so extremely high for the man I will one day fall in love with.

You are rare Dad...
A rare find.
Thank you for being you.
I'll always be your little girl :)

Reason Less.

"Reason is a whore, the greatest enemy of faith." -- Luther

I am discovering my insatiable hunger for reason.
For sense.
For explanation.
For answers.

The art of reasoning...
This I have mastered.
With whom do I reason?
My heart reasons with my mind.
My mind reasons with my flesh.
My flesh reasons with this world.
This world reasons with the Enemy of all.

What do I reason about?
My intellect.
Tomorrow.
Time.
Relationships.
My own weaknesses.
Next year.
Sin.
Perspectives.
Love.
Provision.
My will.
His will.
The opinions of others.
My profession.
Justice.



...occasionally I might beckon God with a question enveloped with doubt...
leaving Him little to no time to respond,
before my own cycle of reasoning continues on.

Hear me.
I cherish the times I wrestle with God.
Honest dialogue with my Jesus...there is no sweeter thing.
The tears, the exhaustion, the questions...the love, the joy, the faith that follows when at last I collapse in the arms of my Maker, the One who defies all Reason. This is Beauty. This is different.

I hate arguing.
However, I must tell you...I reason well.
Reasoning has captured me.
Bound me.
Oh it literally suffocates me.
I reason long.
I reason often.
Let me confess...I choose reason more than I choose faith.

But let me also share with you this.
Faith is so much more exhilarating.
So much more rewarding.
So much more the way of Jesus.
So much easier.
Yes, I said easier.

Reason less,
Pray more.
Reason less,
Dream more.
Reason less,
Love more.
Reason less,
Listen more.

May faith set the precedent for your today and every day.

Pleading for Your Prayers.

I want to share with you an opportunity for you to join with me in prayer. In the picture above is my little brother, Austin, and his girlfriend, Erin. Erin's mom, Kristi, started having some health problems approximately 4-6 weeks ago...and has been diagnosed with cancer. Yesterday, we received some grim news...given the extent of the cancer, the doctors at MD Anderson have chosen to send her back home to be with her girls...and given her two months to live. This has all happened very, very quickly. While I am asking for you to pray for strength, comfort, and peace for this family...I am also pleading with you to pray for a miracle in Kristi's body.

My spirit is heavy and my heart aches. My mind is spinning. God, I don't understand and my flesh screams, "This is just not fair"....yet I know my perspective is limited to only that which is seen and heard here in this temporary home called Earth. It is beyond difficult for me to sing or speak of Your truth, Your goodness, Your perfect will, Your beauty, Your provision...and even Your love right now.

In fact, my tendency is to be overwhelmed and smothered at the very thought of Satan prevailing right now. As I allow my mind to entertain this thought, I sheepishly realize I am choosing to empower Satan, allowing him to take up residence within my heart, to encourage further deception, to focus on evil versus truth, and ultimately deciding to crown and hail the Father of Lies as king in this situation.

Forgive me. Pardon my unbelief. Redeem and sanctify my mind..in the name of Jesus..may I never dwell and meditate more upon the wicked ways of Satan, allowing my soul to soak in the well of bitterness....Rather, may I condition my mind and my heart to run to the place where I can sit beneath the flood of Your many mercies, to rejoice in another day of life abundant...let me stay in the place where I let my mind escape to wonder and daydream about the mysteries of Heaven, to revile in gratitude for the gift of salvation.

I will proclaim you as FAITHFUL, DEFENDER, HEALER, AND KEEPER OF EVERY PRECIOUS SOUL.

Pray for a miracle to occur in Kristi's body, for a diminishing of pain.
Pray for Erin (19) and her sisters...Kayla (21) and Shannon (16).
Pray for Austin - for courage, discernment, wisdom, leadership, and much love.

"Trust in Him at all times, you people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us." Psalm 62:8

The Uses of Humiliation

I hope the title of this entry intrigues you enough to make you read this post in its entirety. The word "Humility" sounds so beautiful, so applaudable...but what about the word "humiliation?" This word brings uneasiness to my spirit, a desire to flee. Why do I so readily separate these two concepts...Read on, as Fenelon as helped me better understand the Uses of Humiliation:

"What a mercy is humiliation to a soul that receives it with steadfast faith! There are a thousand blessings in it for ourselves and for others, for our Lord bestows his grace upon the humble. Humility makes us charitable toward our neighbor. Nothing will make us so generous and merciful to the faults of others as seeing our own.

Two things produce humility when they are put together: The first is the sight of the abyss of wretchedness from which the all-powerful hand of God has snatched us, and over which he still holds us, as it were, suspended in the the air. The other is the presence of that God who is All.

Our faults, even those most difficult to bear, will all be of service to us, if we make use of them for our humiliation, without relaxing our efforts to correct them. It does no good to be discouraged. That is only the result of a disappointed and despairing self-love. The true method of profiting from the humiliation of our faults is to see them in all their deformity without losing our hope in God and without having any confidence in ourselves.

We must bear with ourselves without either flattery or discouragement, although we seldom achieve this happy median. We either expect great things of ourselves and of our good intentions, or else we wholly despair. We must hope for nothing from self, but wait for everything from God. Convicted of our helplessness, we have no confidence in ourselves, and yet we have unbounded confidence in God. These are the true foundations of the spiritual edifice.

Those who are truly humble will be surprised to hear anything exalted of themselves. They are calm and peaceable, of a contrite and humble heart, merciful and compassionate. They are quiet, cheerful, obedient, watchful, fervent in spirit, and incapable of strife. They always take the lowest place, rejoice when they are despised, and consider everyone better than themselves. They are lenient to the faults of others in view of their own and very far from preferring themselves before anyone. We may thus judge our progress in humility by the delight we have in humiliations and contempt."
--Francois Fenelon

With these thoughts in mind...I am learning just how quick I am to resist any sort of humiliation for the sake of my Jesus or even for the sake of defending the hopeless. I am realizing just how selfish my day to day life is. I am learning just how humble I am NOT.

So help me Jesus...For I must become lesser...but even so Father, even here I struggle...may it not be about me becoming lesser...but all about renowning Your name as greater than...the more than...

Ever Changing...Still Remaining

Wow. What a whirlwind. I don't do this often...and I don't really plan to start now...but I feel like I should update you on what all is happening in my life. So this post will be a little different than the norm from me...in simple hopes of giving you a better glimpse of where I will be coming from as I continue to write over the next several months. I'll try my hardest not to be too vague...and I will include some of my writings throughout this entry from last few weeks.

I should probably start with the fact that I finished up college at Texas A&M. What a sweet four years that I had in College Station. I wrote this a few weeks ago...As I say goodbye, may I do so trusting each soul, each relationship, each one, into Your loving hands. Thank you for the ones You have given me in this city Jesus, thank you. Thank you for the ones who have loved me, encouraged me, challenged me, taught me, led me, counseled me, frustrated me, trusted me, held me, kept me, questioned me, listened to me, believed in me, prayed for me...thank you. Thank you for letting me dwell amongst and serve alongside a few of Your most precious children. Words do little here...I wish I could put my heart on this page...I wish I could expose the depths of gatitude that I am feeling....Words fail me in this moment.

I'm certain that at some point I will miss my college days, but honestly...I was ready for the next season. If you know me, you know I hate goodbyes...so four years of goodbyes was miserable, and I am glad to have all of that behind me.

Here they are...the girls I have lived with for the past 3 years (Sarah, 4 years). Yep, thats right...six girls, three years...simply a miracle :)



Saying goodbye to this family was by far my most difficult goodbye. I wept. Literally. This family has become so, so dear to me over the past few years. I will dedicate an entire entry to them soon. Tay Tay (age 13) is the girl that I have discipled the past two years. Her siblings are RoRo (age 11), Keke (age 8), and Ricky (age 6). I LOVE THESE KIDS. Gwen, the single mother of 4, has blessed me time and time again - I cannot begin to tell you how the Lord has worked in this family in recent days.



Anyway...Within three days of finishing college...I packed up my life in College Station, moved to Dallas, and started working. I am living with a phenomenal woman, who recently lost her husband, Ms. Bailey. I cannot tell you how excited I am about this...so much wisdom, so fun, so in love with Jesus, and so so committed to discipleship. What a blessing.

I am working at Dallas Heart Group, under a group of eight cardiologists. My first week went well, and I am already learning so much...Welcome to the real world Katie, I begin my commute to work every morning at 6:45 am (which allows for a Starbucks stop on the way). Good thing I love the mornings :)

I am still pondering the future days ahead...PA school? PT school? California? Tampa? Dallas? Kansas City? Australia? Triathlon? Traveling? Inner city ministry? A seminary class or two? Publishing a book? Marathon training? Going abroad? Who knows where this girl is going. If you think you know...fill me in please :)

Ok, now that I feel like I have completed a somewhat pointless, yet necessary post...stay tuned for me writing soon.

I refuse to stifle the cry in my heart, the very cry You placed there. Come...come write Your name upon my heart. Etch your seal upon my Spirit. Consume my mind. Anoint my prayers with the oil of Your Spirit. Oh Jealous God, take away all that hinders the beauty of Your love and the brokenness of my soul. I cry come. The Spirit and the Bride weep and wait...weep and wait...and wonder of Your return. Awaken what's inside of me...tune this heart to the rhythms of Your grace...Your desire. ---KT

So much to love...

Mothers Day..posted a day late..give me a break, it's final exam time around here...

Mom.
Kim. Kimmy.
Ethel.

I love the way you...

love so well, so freely, so sacrificially.
are always laughing.
never complain.
love to snuggle.
are your kids' biggest fan.
hate to shop.
love life.
teach me what it means to a lady.
encourage me to find my identity in my Jesus.
enjoy our time together.
love my Dad.
listen.
treat my friends as if they were your own.
hate the cold.

I love how you are...

so strong, yet your heart is so soft.
a hard-working woman.
a joyful servant.
a quiet leader.
a genuine example of everything you encourage me to be.
a hater of all drama.
driven.
committed.
a woman of your word.

I love the way you love Jesus.
I love the way you love worship.
I love you for the way you choose to love me.
I love that I can call you friend.
I love that you let me hang out in the inner city and love
on the lost.

I love the way you have entrusted me into the hands of our Jesus -
how you have let me freely seek the will of my Father, to
go where He calls me, and to have your blessing
through it all.

My words fail at expressing this love I have for you...
There is so much to love about you Mom.

A Perfect, Lonely Night

"We become violent precisely because we expect more from each other than we can give. When we look for divine solutions in others, we make others into gods and ourselves into demons. Our hands no longer caress but instead grasp. Our lips no longer kiss or form kind words, but bite. Our eyes no longer look expectantly but suspiciously. Our ears do not hear so much as overhear. Every time we think that another person or group of people is finally going to come and take away our fear and anxiety, we will find ourselves frustated that instead of becoming gentle, we become violent.

Community comes from solitude greeting solitude, not lonliness greeting lonliness. Community is birthed from love offering love, not need smashing into need. Otherwise, before you know it...you will find yourself coming not to hold in love but to grab in the intensity of neediness."
--> Henri Nouwen

I love this perfect, lonely night.

For here...in the place solitude...here do I discover the mysteries of You.
And here...as I discover You, Yahweh...I find me.

Right here...as I find me through the discovery of You...I learn to see souls, not just mere people.
And as I stay here...as I look upon the souls of others...I am determined to pray more, and to speak less.

Here...Here as I pray...I cannot help but to fall in love with the people I intercede for.
I remain here...and as I am falling in love with Your people Jesus...my spirit is
stirred, and my heart is overwhelmed as I am being forever ruined for the mission of You.

Yes, I choose to stay here,I love it here.
I love this perfect, lonely night.

Hope

A little background for the entry:
I talk alot about "hope". Hope this, hope that...what does that even mean? So I began to think, to write, to ponder these things...and found that my hope is best defined by what I find myself waiting for...While the things I wait for, I genuinely long for - each one a true, pure desire...sometimes these "waiting issues" dominate this girl...like little gods and demons they control my actions, dictate my thoughts, and sway my heart. I want to be waiting for so much more...

Let me listen.
This stillness makes me uneasy.
Hush the voices that plague and interrupt this mind.
Silence the flesh within me provoking this heart toward sin.
Deafen this ear to the deceit of the devil.
Silence.
A heart exposed, a spirit willing, a mind wearied.
Waiting.
Wash me in the water of Your Word.
I wait.
I will wait longer.
You...You Jesus, are worth so much more than my waiting.
Carry me to the Heavenlies.
Take me away with You.
I will live my life in the waiting, ever watching.
May my days be filled with so much more than waiting for that which is fading...
For certainly I eagerly await much in this story called life.

I wait to know what tomorrow holds.
I wait to receive that diploma and to say one last farewell.
I wait to know where I might journey next...where I might call home.
I wait to spend precious moments with my family.
I wait to visit friends who live far, far away.
I wait to know, to love my husband.
I wait for purpose in the mundane day.
I wait to receive that job I love.
I wait to name my children, to hold that little hand in mine.

Yes, assuredly this life is lived in the waiting. I am a searcher, a seeker... ever reaching to discover the vastness of the unknown mystery of You. Free me to find the beauty disguised in the waiting for so much more than these. You have given me so much more to wait for...to hope for.

I wait to gain the knowledge of You.
I wait to understand the way of Your will.
I wait to realize the deep depth of Your love.
I wait to operate solely by Your Spirit.
I wait to know the answers of the untold.
I wait to dance with You on the streets of gold.
I wait for the wedding feast of Your return.
I wait to spend eternity singing to You.

I will wait, I will wait for the better than...the more than...
I will spend these days waiting to hear from You.
Let me listen.
Let me discern the voice of You, my Love.
You are Hope defined.

No Place I'd Rather Be...

I finally made it back to LA...it has been so sweet to be back at the Dream Center. I have gotten to visit with some of my families in the projects, hang out with the people I served alongside this summer, do several different outreaches, and rest in this place. I have found some time to write and I'm sure I will share soon. Until then, here are a few pictures from this trip.







I'll update you soon beyond just pictures :)

Where are You?

After conversing with one of my 12 year old inner city girls who has been sexually abused...I sit with an ink pen, my journal, tears, and my Bible opened to 1 Peter 1:1-13...and I begin to write:

How I love you O Jesus but tonight I find You nowhere...and I honestly have little desire to find You - but oh how I know I need You and I choose to believe in this moment. Your face is hidden from me today; all these eyes can see is the wretchedness of sin...these ears hear only the lies of Lucifer...this heart feels only the depths of this fallen, sin-ridden world. The dark cloud of injustice evades any sight of Your smile. Though Truth is rooted in the core of my soul, my spirit struggles to believe this day...my own questioning exhausts me.

It is in this moment that I behold your abundant mercy and recognize the magnitude of Your grace...I find myself back at the foot of the cross - encountering grace and healing where there is severe pain and anguish...experiencing resurrection where there is death. My eyes are lifted upward, only to find You still remain despite my unbelief. There You are, there You have been, and there You will remain...pouring out Your blood over that wretched sin, trumping Luficer's lies with the power of Your Truth, freely extending grace upon grace to fallen man. There You are - reigning as the Everlasting Judge...demonstrating justice forevermore; there You illuminate the skies with Your smile and darkness flees. Yes Jesus - there You are, there You have been, and there You will remain.

I hear You say to me..."I have begotten to You Katie, a living hope through the resurrection, My resurrection. I keep for you a glorious inheritance that is incorruptible and undefiled...time has no effect for My Home fadeth not...I have a place just for you My Daughter...until Eternity receives you Katie...know that You are kept by the power of My Father through faith and salvation. Do not forsake these emotions that You are feeling - for I have fashioned you to feel. I too have experienced these very weaknesses and yes, I have overcome each and every one - and so might you. These trials, these questions, these doubts, these uncertainties that you feel - I plead for you to embrace them all...for I am refining your faith, your perspective, your strong will, your sense of control, your love, and your hopes. Kaite, I hope to find you offering praise, honor, and glory to My Name during this season...for I have offered to you joy inexpressible - open your hands, open your heart, and receive it. Glory is sure to follow my Daughter."

It is well with my soul. Find me faithful. How beauitful it is when Your grace and Your justice kiss.

Tainted Love.

My soul begs this one desire...to know the pure, simplicity of Your love.
I consider this...my fragile taste of love:
How dark is thine own heart?
How tainted is my own perspective of love?
How minuscule is thine own hope in this mystery entitled love?
How selfish can thine own love be?
How skewed is thine own experience of love?
How uncertain is thine own love?
How insignificant is thine own offering of love?
How limited is thine own comprehension of love?

My eyes are searching...
My heart is longing...
My spirit yearning...
My mind wondering...
My emotions ever changing...
My affections growing...
As my knowledge of love deepens.
Forevermore.

I see Your shadow through the muck of this world.
...beyond the brokenness
...beyond the anger
...beyond the tears and sorrow
...beyond blissful feelings
...beyond the pleasures of the wine of this age
...beyond the selfish lusts for lovers less wilid
Your love shines through.

So blind these eyes with the light of Your love.
Shield my vision, my heart, and my mind from the weak illusions of love portrayed in
this fallen day.
You alone are the essence of Love.
Oh the width, the length, the depth, the height of Your love - there is none greater.

Only You...it is only You who posesses this sweet fragrance.
Only You...it is only You who pours out this precious oil of unending love upon
this weak, lovesick girl.
I can choose Love today, because You - only You...first loved me.
Evermore I will love only You.

After a Leave of Absence...

Well, if you haven't noticed...I have spent very little time on the computer the past 5 weeks. I have returned. In fact, I just returned to College Station less than 24 hours ago, only to leave again for the weekend to head to Austin for a leadership retreat for inner city planning for the upcoming semester. I have gotten some pretty serious threats, questions, and comments about my lack of blogging - which always makes me laugh, because I never seem to think about people actually reading what I write on here. However, it is encouraging to hear from you those that do read and do miss it when I am not keeping up with it.

I am literally leaving town in fifteen minutes...but just wanted to tell you to stay tuned...I have much to share from my heart. My Jesus is so faithful and this girl is so grateful. Much more to come...including some pictures from my travels !
Until then...consider this:

"Growth in prayer is indicated by a growth in simplicity and steadiness in our attitude. Our conversation with God resembles that with a friend. At first there are a thousand things to be told, and just as many to be asked. After a time, however, these diminish, while the pleasure of being together does not. Everything has been said, but the satisfaction of seeing each other, of feeling that one is near the other, can be felt without conversation. The silence is eloquent and mutually understood. Each feels that the other is in perfect harmony with him, and that their two hearts are continuously being poured into each other, becoming one. It is the same way in prayer. Our communion with God becomes a simple and familiar union, far beyond the need of words." --Francois Fenelon

So I'll let my words be few.