After conversing with one of my 12 year old inner city girls who has been sexually abused...I sit with an ink pen, my journal, tears, and my Bible opened to 1 Peter 1:1-13...and I begin to write:
How I love you O Jesus but tonight I find You nowhere...and I honestly have little desire to find You - but oh how I know I need You and I choose to believe in this moment. Your face is hidden from me today; all these eyes can see is the wretchedness of sin...these ears hear only the lies of Lucifer...this heart feels only the depths of this fallen, sin-ridden world. The dark cloud of injustice evades any sight of Your smile. Though Truth is rooted in the core of my soul, my spirit struggles to believe this day...my own questioning exhausts me.
It is in this moment that I behold your abundant mercy and recognize the magnitude of Your grace...I find myself back at the foot of the cross - encountering grace and healing where there is severe pain and anguish...experiencing resurrection where there is death. My eyes are lifted upward, only to find You still remain despite my unbelief. There You are, there You have been, and there You will remain...pouring out Your blood over that wretched sin, trumping Luficer's lies with the power of Your Truth, freely extending grace upon grace to fallen man. There You are - reigning as the Everlasting Judge...demonstrating justice forevermore; there You illuminate the skies with Your smile and darkness flees. Yes Jesus - there You are, there You have been, and there You will remain.
I hear You say to me..."I have begotten to You Katie, a living hope through the resurrection, My resurrection. I keep for you a glorious inheritance that is incorruptible and undefiled...time has no effect for My Home fadeth not...I have a place just for you My Daughter...until Eternity receives you Katie...know that You are kept by the power of My Father through faith and salvation. Do not forsake these emotions that You are feeling - for I have fashioned you to feel. I too have experienced these very weaknesses and yes, I have overcome each and every one - and so might you. These trials, these questions, these doubts, these uncertainties that you feel - I plead for you to embrace them all...for I am refining your faith, your perspective, your strong will, your sense of control, your love, and your hopes. Kaite, I hope to find you offering praise, honor, and glory to My Name during this season...for I have offered to you joy inexpressible - open your hands, open your heart, and receive it. Glory is sure to follow my Daughter."
It is well with my soul. Find me faithful. How beauitful it is when Your grace and Your justice kiss.