Hope

A little background for the entry:
I talk alot about "hope". Hope this, hope that...what does that even mean? So I began to think, to write, to ponder these things...and found that my hope is best defined by what I find myself waiting for...While the things I wait for, I genuinely long for - each one a true, pure desire...sometimes these "waiting issues" dominate this girl...like little gods and demons they control my actions, dictate my thoughts, and sway my heart. I want to be waiting for so much more...

Let me listen.
This stillness makes me uneasy.
Hush the voices that plague and interrupt this mind.
Silence the flesh within me provoking this heart toward sin.
Deafen this ear to the deceit of the devil.
Silence.
A heart exposed, a spirit willing, a mind wearied.
Waiting.
Wash me in the water of Your Word.
I wait.
I will wait longer.
You...You Jesus, are worth so much more than my waiting.
Carry me to the Heavenlies.
Take me away with You.
I will live my life in the waiting, ever watching.
May my days be filled with so much more than waiting for that which is fading...
For certainly I eagerly await much in this story called life.

I wait to know what tomorrow holds.
I wait to receive that diploma and to say one last farewell.
I wait to know where I might journey next...where I might call home.
I wait to spend precious moments with my family.
I wait to visit friends who live far, far away.
I wait to know, to love my husband.
I wait for purpose in the mundane day.
I wait to receive that job I love.
I wait to name my children, to hold that little hand in mine.

Yes, assuredly this life is lived in the waiting. I am a searcher, a seeker... ever reaching to discover the vastness of the unknown mystery of You. Free me to find the beauty disguised in the waiting for so much more than these. You have given me so much more to wait for...to hope for.

I wait to gain the knowledge of You.
I wait to understand the way of Your will.
I wait to realize the deep depth of Your love.
I wait to operate solely by Your Spirit.
I wait to know the answers of the untold.
I wait to dance with You on the streets of gold.
I wait for the wedding feast of Your return.
I wait to spend eternity singing to You.

I will wait, I will wait for the better than...the more than...
I will spend these days waiting to hear from You.
Let me listen.
Let me discern the voice of You, my Love.
You are Hope defined.

No Place I'd Rather Be...

I finally made it back to LA...it has been so sweet to be back at the Dream Center. I have gotten to visit with some of my families in the projects, hang out with the people I served alongside this summer, do several different outreaches, and rest in this place. I have found some time to write and I'm sure I will share soon. Until then, here are a few pictures from this trip.







I'll update you soon beyond just pictures :)

Where are You?

After conversing with one of my 12 year old inner city girls who has been sexually abused...I sit with an ink pen, my journal, tears, and my Bible opened to 1 Peter 1:1-13...and I begin to write:

How I love you O Jesus but tonight I find You nowhere...and I honestly have little desire to find You - but oh how I know I need You and I choose to believe in this moment. Your face is hidden from me today; all these eyes can see is the wretchedness of sin...these ears hear only the lies of Lucifer...this heart feels only the depths of this fallen, sin-ridden world. The dark cloud of injustice evades any sight of Your smile. Though Truth is rooted in the core of my soul, my spirit struggles to believe this day...my own questioning exhausts me.

It is in this moment that I behold your abundant mercy and recognize the magnitude of Your grace...I find myself back at the foot of the cross - encountering grace and healing where there is severe pain and anguish...experiencing resurrection where there is death. My eyes are lifted upward, only to find You still remain despite my unbelief. There You are, there You have been, and there You will remain...pouring out Your blood over that wretched sin, trumping Luficer's lies with the power of Your Truth, freely extending grace upon grace to fallen man. There You are - reigning as the Everlasting Judge...demonstrating justice forevermore; there You illuminate the skies with Your smile and darkness flees. Yes Jesus - there You are, there You have been, and there You will remain.

I hear You say to me..."I have begotten to You Katie, a living hope through the resurrection, My resurrection. I keep for you a glorious inheritance that is incorruptible and undefiled...time has no effect for My Home fadeth not...I have a place just for you My Daughter...until Eternity receives you Katie...know that You are kept by the power of My Father through faith and salvation. Do not forsake these emotions that You are feeling - for I have fashioned you to feel. I too have experienced these very weaknesses and yes, I have overcome each and every one - and so might you. These trials, these questions, these doubts, these uncertainties that you feel - I plead for you to embrace them all...for I am refining your faith, your perspective, your strong will, your sense of control, your love, and your hopes. Kaite, I hope to find you offering praise, honor, and glory to My Name during this season...for I have offered to you joy inexpressible - open your hands, open your heart, and receive it. Glory is sure to follow my Daughter."

It is well with my soul. Find me faithful. How beauitful it is when Your grace and Your justice kiss.

Tainted Love.

My soul begs this one desire...to know the pure, simplicity of Your love.
I consider this...my fragile taste of love:
How dark is thine own heart?
How tainted is my own perspective of love?
How minuscule is thine own hope in this mystery entitled love?
How selfish can thine own love be?
How skewed is thine own experience of love?
How uncertain is thine own love?
How insignificant is thine own offering of love?
How limited is thine own comprehension of love?

My eyes are searching...
My heart is longing...
My spirit yearning...
My mind wondering...
My emotions ever changing...
My affections growing...
As my knowledge of love deepens.
Forevermore.

I see Your shadow through the muck of this world.
...beyond the brokenness
...beyond the anger
...beyond the tears and sorrow
...beyond blissful feelings
...beyond the pleasures of the wine of this age
...beyond the selfish lusts for lovers less wilid
Your love shines through.

So blind these eyes with the light of Your love.
Shield my vision, my heart, and my mind from the weak illusions of love portrayed in
this fallen day.
You alone are the essence of Love.
Oh the width, the length, the depth, the height of Your love - there is none greater.

Only You...it is only You who posesses this sweet fragrance.
Only You...it is only You who pours out this precious oil of unending love upon
this weak, lovesick girl.
I can choose Love today, because You - only You...first loved me.
Evermore I will love only You.

After a Leave of Absence...

Well, if you haven't noticed...I have spent very little time on the computer the past 5 weeks. I have returned. In fact, I just returned to College Station less than 24 hours ago, only to leave again for the weekend to head to Austin for a leadership retreat for inner city planning for the upcoming semester. I have gotten some pretty serious threats, questions, and comments about my lack of blogging - which always makes me laugh, because I never seem to think about people actually reading what I write on here. However, it is encouraging to hear from you those that do read and do miss it when I am not keeping up with it.

I am literally leaving town in fifteen minutes...but just wanted to tell you to stay tuned...I have much to share from my heart. My Jesus is so faithful and this girl is so grateful. Much more to come...including some pictures from my travels !
Until then...consider this:

"Growth in prayer is indicated by a growth in simplicity and steadiness in our attitude. Our conversation with God resembles that with a friend. At first there are a thousand things to be told, and just as many to be asked. After a time, however, these diminish, while the pleasure of being together does not. Everything has been said, but the satisfaction of seeing each other, of feeling that one is near the other, can be felt without conversation. The silence is eloquent and mutually understood. Each feels that the other is in perfect harmony with him, and that their two hearts are continuously being poured into each other, becoming one. It is the same way in prayer. Our communion with God becomes a simple and familiar union, far beyond the need of words." --Francois Fenelon

So I'll let my words be few.

Headed to the Outback...

Yep, that's right. Finals are over. My notes are on my bookshelf. The books have been sold back. I'm pretty sure I pulled a 4.0 this semester, or at least pretty close to it. Whose keeping track though? I'm free.

Grades are the last thing on my mind - I'll be boarding a plane in about 36 hours to head to northern Australia...in the Queensland area. Don't ask me how or why I do the most random things...just so goes my life :) I'm beginning to see a small trend in myself...about every six months I do something really random. Ever felt like you were having a an outer-body experience? Well, that's how I felt when one of my girlfriends (who is currently in grad school and getting her masters in business)called me about two and a half weeks ago. I'll sum up the conversation with one sentence that came from her mouth, "I have two, free, first-class tickets for you and I to go to Australia for nine days."

What?

Yep, that's what I said. Well, it was more like "whaaaaaaat? how? when? why? are you serious? shutup."

So I'm off. Off to be spoiled in first class. Off To summertime in Australia. To a villa on the beach. To see the Great Barrier Reef. To relax. To read. To retreat. To shop. To talk with Aussies. To find Hugh Jackman (go see the movie Australia). To get away from everyone and everything. To stop.

If you know me, or halfway know me...you would know that I headed not to the mall to get some clothes for the trip (not to mention, there are no summer clothes in December anywhere) - but to Barnes & Noble to get some books. Ahhh, the joy of having ample time to read what I want to read outside of my studies of cardiology, human diseases, and exercise physiology. I cannot wait.

From the fullness of His love I have received...one blessing after another.

Sons and Daughters of the Living God

Many of you might recall one of my resolutions from this past summer...to one day adopt. My small group leaders have just recently adopted, and really have incredible hearts for the orphan. They shared this video with me...and I have officially become a Georgia fan in a matter of four minutes. I am convinced there is no better way to understand, capture, or experience the Gospel than through the picture of adoption.



For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, "Abba, Father." Romans 8:14-15