A Quarter for the Homeless Man

The last few days have been well spent in Kansas City...spending hours on end at the International House of Prayer, precious time with a dear friend, extended moments to write, good rest, and not to mention being able to walk out the front door of my apartment across the street to Starbucks. I'm still convinced that at some point in my life I will spend at least a few months residing in Kansas City' I love this place.

Yesterday I was driving to lunch when a homeless man approached me at a stoplight. Despite my work with homeless, anytime this situation occurs - my mind is sent reeling. What's his story? Where has she been? How long has he been here? This man is someones child. This woman was created in the likeness of Christ. More times than not, I do not have cash - which only sends my mind spinning even more about what I have just done as I have passed by the least of these. (After feeling this way multiple times, I am beginning to think this is reason enough to always have a few dollars cash on hand)

I must say, this situation was slightly different and I had little time to think these thoughts...because this specific gentleman was at my window within moments screaming, literally screaming and shaking his finger at me. He yelled, "Give me a quarter. You're lying, I know you have a quarter. This is MY street, you have to give me a quarter." Now, I cannot say I thought pleasant thoughts at this moment. In fact, I was slightly offended...slightly humored...and slightly amazed that this man was yelling at my closed window. Kristin handed me a Dasani water bottle and I gave it to the man, who responded gratefully, "Well, that will work, that's worth a quarter."

We drove on, and I thought "That Dasani water is worth more than a quarter sir" (forgive me Jesus)...Kristin and I discussed the fact that all that man wanted was a quarter and how random that was. He was clearly drugged out and probably drunk too. We went on to eat, thinking nothing more of the quarter for the homeless man on the corner.

A few hours, I'm sitting in the prayer room at the International House of Prayer reading and this is what I read:
"One of the most revealing windows into a person's soul is the way she treats the outcast. Is the homeless person sleeping in the doorway seen as an eyesore and an annoyance, or as a human being deserving kindness and care? Is the street person who reeks of alcohol and asks for a quarter brushed aside with disdain, or treated with a respect inspired by the realization that..there but the grace of God go I?" (from The Lessons of St. Francis)

Seriously Jesus?
I give a lot of my life to the homeless, the downtrodden, the broken, the inner city....but this one time...and You are letting me have it. Thank you Jesus for conviction. Forgive me for being so good at justifying my own selfishness.

So take some time and ponder compassion today.

"By compassion we make others' misery our own." *Sir Thomas Browne

"Compassion is the sometimes fatal capacity for feeling what its like to live inside somebody else's skin. It is the knowledge that there can never really be any peace and joy for me until there is peace and joy finally for you too." *Frederick Buechner

Compassion takes effort...and sometimes it's fatal...and sometimes it's misery.

Are you willing?
For whatever you do unto the least of these you have done to My Father in Heaven...
Don't pass Him by.

When My Heart Skips a Beat...

Lately I have been trying to enjoy, recognize, and audibly thank Jesus for the little things that cause my heart to skip a beat...to see the beauty all around me...to call out His grace amidst the mundane work day...to be lost in wonder of this very big God who is all about even the very tiniest of details... Its these little glimpses of grace when my heart skips a beat when and my affections cannot help but be stirred for my Maker:

*watching an elderly couple walking hand in hand with coordinating plaid shorts.
*seeing 2 blue-eyed little girls with their daddy on a date.
*partaking in uncontrollable laughter.
*catching up with an old friend.
*the colors of the farmer's market.
*an answered prayer.
*airports and culture.
*ink on my journal pages.
*the grandmother in the projects who gets it.
*talking on the phone with my mom.
*working, walking, running legs.
*hearing about my Dad's day.
*finding my mind wondering about Heaven.
*the power of music over the soul.
*having lunch with my co-workers.
*chatting with Brenda Bailey.
*the exchanging of vows.
*an unexpected early morning text message.
*experiencing community.
*Ephesians 3:14-21.
*observing an older woman give her life to discipling the young ones.
*caramel lattes. vanilla lattes. toffee nut lattes. just lattes.
*a pregnant woman...weird, i know.
*a handwritten letter.
*pondering adoption.
*the one with nothing who gives generously.
*new people.
*love that pursues.
*honest questions.
*the individual who defies all the odds.
*Bethel worship.
*going home.
*overhearing spiritual conversation.
*the city skyline.
*thunderstorms.
*the Village.
*the affluent business man starting his day in the Word.
*being told about some one's legacy left behind.
*being asked the difficult questions by close friends.
*involuntary tears.
*singing at the top of my lungs in my car.
*open-air restaurants.
*a fascinated lover.
*a prophetic word.
*sitting in the corner booth with an over sized coffee mug and a used book.
*laughing with my brothers.
*choosing to see 5:30am as beautiful.
*seeing a man and wife on an evening jog.
*the hippie who doesn't conform.
*gerber-daisies.
*seeing one bow his head and bless his meal.
*organic meals.
*new parents.
*spending an evening in the international house of prayer via the webcast.
*changes.
*Martha, the Starbucks barista, grinning ear to ear at 6:45am.
*running outside.
*an ordinary sunset.

So I tell you...I tell you that these are the little moments from the last several weeks that I have stopped and said thank you Jesus...thank you for being a mighty God given to such minor detail. Give me the grace to recognize Your beauty all around.

You and Yours

Jesus...
Your mysteries astound me.
Your timing confuses me.
Your love romances me.
Your pursuit wins me.
Your faithfulness keeps me.
Your vastness scares me.
Your forgiveness convicts me.
Your power humbles me.
Your Spirit teaches me.
Your bloodshed saves me.
Your weighty presence carries me.
Your promise of Heaven assures me.
Your Word sustains me.
Your new mercies compel me.
Your justice comforts me.
Your perspective changes me.
Your beauty overwhelms me.
Your sacrifice challenges me.
Your miracles encourage me.
Your voice silences me.
Your ears hear me.
Your grace transforms me.

And yet, all You want is me.
Your heart wants mine.
But these hands cling to so much more
...this heart is easily enticed
...this flesh is quickly deceived.
...this mind is riddled with desires other than

Won't you romance me, O love of my soul?
Let no one hinder my pursuit.
Let nothing stand in the way of my complete victory.
Let no weariness or discouraging thought cause me to revert to apathetic thinking.
Bind me. Mark me. Keep me.
For You reward the seeker that is diligent.

But you beloved, building yourselves up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the Love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life...now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to present You faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy...to God our Savior, who alone is wise, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and forever. Amen.
Jude 20-21, 24-25

Daddy's Girl

A little Father's Day tribute :)
One of my most favorite things to watch is the way of a Father with his children, especially a daughter. There's something about it that I just cannot shake. The mutual adoration, the tender heart exposed...I just love it.

Once a Daddy's Girl...always a Daddy's girl.
I really believe that.
Dad, remember those dates we used to go on when I was a lil girl...Ryan's Steakhouse?
Remember when we used to go to your softball games and run around all the bases at the end?
Remember when you begged me to get in trouble at school, to stand on top of my desk and start dancing? ...just so I would quit trying to be so perfect.
Remember me you lead me to Jesus and you baptized me?
Remember when you made us move to Arkansas and we all thought our lives were over?
Remember when you coached me in basketball? ... I'll leave it at that.
Remember when we ran the concession stand for Upward basketball?
Remember when you took me to that Father/Daughter Conference in Tulsa...haaaaa.
Remember when you walked me down the aisle at homecoming...twice.
Remember when you would critique my basketball performance on those long drives home from away games?
Remember when I tore my ACL and you were taking pictures of me while I was crying on the side of the mountain...kindly explaining..."you'll appreciate these one day"
Remember when you dropped me off in the Freebirds parking lot at Texas A&M and I buried my head in your chest and bawled?
Rememeber when I called you and told you I was going skydiving?
Remember when you drove me to the airport and put on a plane to work in the ghetto in Los Angeles?
Remember when you moved me a million times over the course of my college career?

I remember those things oh so well and cherish each memory.
But what I cherish even more is...
Waking up every morning and seeing you reading the Word.
The way you make me laugh.
The fact that sometimes things don't make sense but you always choose obedience.
That you are the same man at work, church, and play that you are at home.
The many phone calls just to say "Im thinking about you Katie"
Your love for people.
The way you love Jesus more than your family.
Your quiet, humble yet extremely strong leadership ability. So unique.
The way you dream.
The way you cannot be boxed in.
That you are a reader.
Your visionary spirit.

Thank you for...
Leading.
Teaching.
Waiting.
Forgiving.
Pushing me.
Sarcasm.
Getting to know me.
Being a jokester with me.
Joy.
Loving sports.
Believing in me.
Being so fun.
Never missing a game.
Telling me I can and I will.
Obedience.
Faithfulness.
Being a man's man.
Integrity.
Loving the Word.
Showing my brothers what it means to be a Godly mae.
Contending for a Godly marriage.
Loving your bride like Christ loves the Church.

And Dad, one more thing...thank you for both the blessing (and the curse) for setting the standard so extremely high for the man I will one day fall in love with.

You are rare Dad...
A rare find.
Thank you for being you.
I'll always be your little girl :)

Reason Less.

"Reason is a whore, the greatest enemy of faith." -- Luther

I am discovering my insatiable hunger for reason.
For sense.
For explanation.
For answers.

The art of reasoning...
This I have mastered.
With whom do I reason?
My heart reasons with my mind.
My mind reasons with my flesh.
My flesh reasons with this world.
This world reasons with the Enemy of all.

What do I reason about?
My intellect.
Tomorrow.
Time.
Relationships.
My own weaknesses.
Next year.
Sin.
Perspectives.
Love.
Provision.
My will.
His will.
The opinions of others.
My profession.
Justice.



...occasionally I might beckon God with a question enveloped with doubt...
leaving Him little to no time to respond,
before my own cycle of reasoning continues on.

Hear me.
I cherish the times I wrestle with God.
Honest dialogue with my Jesus...there is no sweeter thing.
The tears, the exhaustion, the questions...the love, the joy, the faith that follows when at last I collapse in the arms of my Maker, the One who defies all Reason. This is Beauty. This is different.

I hate arguing.
However, I must tell you...I reason well.
Reasoning has captured me.
Bound me.
Oh it literally suffocates me.
I reason long.
I reason often.
Let me confess...I choose reason more than I choose faith.

But let me also share with you this.
Faith is so much more exhilarating.
So much more rewarding.
So much more the way of Jesus.
So much easier.
Yes, I said easier.

Reason less,
Pray more.
Reason less,
Dream more.
Reason less,
Love more.
Reason less,
Listen more.

May faith set the precedent for your today and every day.

Pleading for Your Prayers.

I want to share with you an opportunity for you to join with me in prayer. In the picture above is my little brother, Austin, and his girlfriend, Erin. Erin's mom, Kristi, started having some health problems approximately 4-6 weeks ago...and has been diagnosed with cancer. Yesterday, we received some grim news...given the extent of the cancer, the doctors at MD Anderson have chosen to send her back home to be with her girls...and given her two months to live. This has all happened very, very quickly. While I am asking for you to pray for strength, comfort, and peace for this family...I am also pleading with you to pray for a miracle in Kristi's body.

My spirit is heavy and my heart aches. My mind is spinning. God, I don't understand and my flesh screams, "This is just not fair"....yet I know my perspective is limited to only that which is seen and heard here in this temporary home called Earth. It is beyond difficult for me to sing or speak of Your truth, Your goodness, Your perfect will, Your beauty, Your provision...and even Your love right now.

In fact, my tendency is to be overwhelmed and smothered at the very thought of Satan prevailing right now. As I allow my mind to entertain this thought, I sheepishly realize I am choosing to empower Satan, allowing him to take up residence within my heart, to encourage further deception, to focus on evil versus truth, and ultimately deciding to crown and hail the Father of Lies as king in this situation.

Forgive me. Pardon my unbelief. Redeem and sanctify my mind..in the name of Jesus..may I never dwell and meditate more upon the wicked ways of Satan, allowing my soul to soak in the well of bitterness....Rather, may I condition my mind and my heart to run to the place where I can sit beneath the flood of Your many mercies, to rejoice in another day of life abundant...let me stay in the place where I let my mind escape to wonder and daydream about the mysteries of Heaven, to revile in gratitude for the gift of salvation.

I will proclaim you as FAITHFUL, DEFENDER, HEALER, AND KEEPER OF EVERY PRECIOUS SOUL.

Pray for a miracle to occur in Kristi's body, for a diminishing of pain.
Pray for Erin (19) and her sisters...Kayla (21) and Shannon (16).
Pray for Austin - for courage, discernment, wisdom, leadership, and much love.

"Trust in Him at all times, you people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us." Psalm 62:8

The Uses of Humiliation

I hope the title of this entry intrigues you enough to make you read this post in its entirety. The word "Humility" sounds so beautiful, so applaudable...but what about the word "humiliation?" This word brings uneasiness to my spirit, a desire to flee. Why do I so readily separate these two concepts...Read on, as Fenelon as helped me better understand the Uses of Humiliation:

"What a mercy is humiliation to a soul that receives it with steadfast faith! There are a thousand blessings in it for ourselves and for others, for our Lord bestows his grace upon the humble. Humility makes us charitable toward our neighbor. Nothing will make us so generous and merciful to the faults of others as seeing our own.

Two things produce humility when they are put together: The first is the sight of the abyss of wretchedness from which the all-powerful hand of God has snatched us, and over which he still holds us, as it were, suspended in the the air. The other is the presence of that God who is All.

Our faults, even those most difficult to bear, will all be of service to us, if we make use of them for our humiliation, without relaxing our efforts to correct them. It does no good to be discouraged. That is only the result of a disappointed and despairing self-love. The true method of profiting from the humiliation of our faults is to see them in all their deformity without losing our hope in God and without having any confidence in ourselves.

We must bear with ourselves without either flattery or discouragement, although we seldom achieve this happy median. We either expect great things of ourselves and of our good intentions, or else we wholly despair. We must hope for nothing from self, but wait for everything from God. Convicted of our helplessness, we have no confidence in ourselves, and yet we have unbounded confidence in God. These are the true foundations of the spiritual edifice.

Those who are truly humble will be surprised to hear anything exalted of themselves. They are calm and peaceable, of a contrite and humble heart, merciful and compassionate. They are quiet, cheerful, obedient, watchful, fervent in spirit, and incapable of strife. They always take the lowest place, rejoice when they are despised, and consider everyone better than themselves. They are lenient to the faults of others in view of their own and very far from preferring themselves before anyone. We may thus judge our progress in humility by the delight we have in humiliations and contempt."
--Francois Fenelon

With these thoughts in mind...I am learning just how quick I am to resist any sort of humiliation for the sake of my Jesus or even for the sake of defending the hopeless. I am realizing just how selfish my day to day life is. I am learning just how humble I am NOT.

So help me Jesus...For I must become lesser...but even so Father, even here I struggle...may it not be about me becoming lesser...but all about renowning Your name as greater than...the more than...