Sons and Daughters of the Living God

Many of you might recall one of my resolutions from this past summer...to one day adopt. My small group leaders have just recently adopted, and really have incredible hearts for the orphan. They shared this video with me...and I have officially become a Georgia fan in a matter of four minutes. I am convinced there is no better way to understand, capture, or experience the Gospel than through the picture of adoption.



For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, "Abba, Father." Romans 8:14-15

Hemmed In by this Mystery

It's been awhile, as always...one day I will have time to write freely for hours :) I'm believing the Lord for that. In fact, this past week I actually wrote out in my journal, "Today I just want to be a hippie for the rest of time; get a tattoo, live downtown, become a writer, own a used book store with all the old classics, drink hot tea (which I hate, but I feel like I could learn to like), and wear vintage clothes." Maybe it was a weak moment in the midst of my never-ending studies. Ha...but don't put it past me. Speaking of studies, here I sit at a local book store/coffee shop...with a final exam to take in a few hours....and I'm reading everything but my notes getting particularly excited about Malachi 4.

"For behold, the day is coming, Burning like an oven, And all the proud, yes, all who do wickedly will be stubble. And the day which is coming shall burn them up," Says the Lord of hosts, "That will leave them neither root nor branch. But to you who fear My name The Sun of Righteousness shall arise With healing in His wings; And you shall go out And grow fat like stall-fed calves. You shall trample the wicked, For they shall be ashes under the soles of your feet On the day that I will do this," Says the Lord of hosts.

Amen. Need I say more? He's coming.

Back to the title of this blog. I love mystery, who doesn't really? I love mysterious people. Seriously, I kind of have this weird love for people that I cannot quite figure out. Hiddenness, it's such a beautiful thing...I love the unknown more than most. I love not knowing what's next. . . It envokes searching, longing, wonder, and devout focus. I love the chase. Yet, at the same time - I want to KNOW. My mind is analytical, I'm typically a pretty black and white person, and I love figuring stuff out. I know all that seems contradictory - but I'm weird like that. I think what I'm trying to voice is that in some areas of my life I destroy the wonder of the unknown Mystery in my mind for the sake of logic. Pondering all of this, I came across one of Dietrich Bonhoeffer's writings about this concept:

"Living without mystery means being ignorant of the mystery of our own life, of the mystery of other people, of the mystery of the world. It means passing over our own hiddenness, the hiddenness of other people and the world. It means being superficial. It means taking the world seriously only in so far as it can be calculated and exploited, not going behind the world of calculation and utility. Living without mystery means either failing to see or even denying the decisive matter of life. It means failing to see that the roots of the tree lie in the hidden darkness of the earth, that everything that lives in the light comes form the darkness and hiddenness of a mother's womb, that all of our ideas, all of our spiritual life comes from the same hidden, mysterious darkness of our body, as all of life. That is something we don't want to know. We do not want to be told that mystery is the root of all that can be understood and revealed and explained. And if we are told this, we want to quantify this mystery, calculate and explain it, dissect it. And, the result is that we kill life and do not discover the Mystery."

Enjoy the Mystery today. Quit being so logical. Put aside theology for a moment and simply enjoy Him. Let your heart sing a new melody. May you be lost in intimate wonder, the freedom of searching, and Heavenly imagination this day.

Run Baby Run...

Yesterday, on a whim - Ashley and I decided to run ten miles. It was exhilarating, exhausting, and painful all at once. I don't know what comes over us on these random days of let's kill ourselves in some athletic way. Both of us are extremely competitive...which is probably the only way either of us kept running.

Speaking of running...Mark Driscoll has been running with me lately (via my iPOD)...and I laugh out loud at certain points of my run...I have been studying Ruth and have gone through his six week study of this book...wow. I have read Ruth a million times this past week. Study this romantic love story, study this picture of redemption, study this man with a warrior's heart, study this woman who is marked by lovingkindness.

Now..just a little bit from the heart lately..a jumbled prayer from my journal.

I will soar with You everyday.
You hold me in Your embrace high above this fallen world.
I, by Your love, run through the fields, ripe.
I eat of Your goodness,
Your Words drip with satisfaction upon these lips...
The lightness of Your Spirit carries me adrift,
I gaze upon You
The fire in Your eyes pierces this flesh.
I am exposed
as Your eyes search to and fro
You find me...
a destitute girl
distracted
weary
tossed by the wind
passive
anxious
masked by an impoverished spirit
a faithless being
wallowing in deception
a soul encapsulated by sin
made frail by the lies of this age...
Yet You call out my name
You sing over me
beauty
chosen
lover
Mine
a longing that is undeniable
blessed
strong
bride adorned in white
holiness
redeemed
friend
glorious
hunger for wisdom
revelation for today
a steadfast girl
daughter
one refined
she who is becoming

I want to hear Your heartbeat. Attack the deception of vain imaginations that paralyze this girl. Win the war in my eyes...own my gaze. Find me faithful. Illuminate the skies over my head, let Your glory come down - as we, Your bride and the Spirit cry COME Lord Jesus, COME.

Conversations

Conversations...the stories of my kids...the ones that I love...the ones whom I stand before the Lord on their behalf...the ones that I cry for tonight, the ones that never cease to bring tears to these eyes:

"I spent the night with my grandfather last night. He took all my money and went to the clubs at midnight."

"I am afraid someone is going to take me away forever. Bad people live in my neighborhood."

"You don't understand, I'm black Katie."

"I've been angry ever since I was a child. It's just the way I am, and it's who I'll always be. Angry."

"My teacher is racist."

"She (40 yr old woman) called the cops because I snapped and cursed her out. I was about to beat her up; I don't like her daughter. My mom got all up in her face."

"There is a man that lives in the Projects that lures kids in with Popsicles and candy...and abuses them. He goes by "Coach"."

"My sister is 16. She gave birth to a baby boy on Tuesday."

"My boyfriend just got out of jail."

"My lesbian girlfriend cheated on me with a boy...now she's pregnant. What do I do?"

"I stay at school as long as I can...I don't want to go home because I hate my mom's boyfriend."

My heart aches. My spirit is overwhelmed. These are the ones the Lord has entrusted into my hands this year - may I understand the weight of that responsibility...I believe in them...no, it's not always easy - Most days its the hardest thing I've ever done. Pray for them, I plead with you.


Ezekiel 16. I absolutely love it. God's love for His chosen people. How He loves Jerusalem. It's the story of me. I feel things moving in the spirit realm when I read these words in Ezekiel. A couple of words/phrases that the Lord has continually etched upon my heart the past 3 months....ZEALOUS, COVENANT, ALLURE, RESTORATION, FAITHFUL to the FAITHLESS, LIFE, and LONGING to LONG again.
More to come on all of these...stay tuned.

As for everyday, written in short, quick sentences....I think fall is my favorite time of the year. I love the cold weather. I cannot wait to wear hats, scarves, and jackets. I've been in a very domestic phase lately - I cook all the time and I love it. I'm counting down the days till OneThing 08 in KC. I am headed to Dallas this weekend for the State Fair with some friends...please note, I HATE the fair and I can't make myself get excited about fried oreos, fried twinkies, or corndogs -- and I won't apologize for that :) No doubt we will have fun though! The international house of prayer webcast is always playing in my room. My dad left me a voicemail tonight that made me cry, he was just saying hey and that he loves me. I LOVE the holiday season. All of my friends are now dating someone, must be that senior year deal. Aggie football is horrible and boring this year. I have turned into somewhat of a blog stalker - Hollie Hixson, you win. I started going to a new hope group led by worship minister and his wife --it's going to be a good year. I consider myself a cardiologist - seriously ask me anything, bring me your ECG and I'll explain it to you. My classes sometimes scare me...Abnormal Psych convinced me I was schizophrenic, my Cardiology class has convinced me I have congestive heart failure or I will die from heart disease eventually, Human Diseases makes me wonder how I'm still alive...I'm just saying.

Until that Day...

Where Grace Abounds Day after Day

Just a few shots from here lately. I promise to post some of my writings soon.

School is eating my life right now :) I'm almost done here though, crazy. This pretty much sums up a lot of my life right now in a practical, everyday sort of a way...I ride my bike everyday, everywhere. I teach a strength and conditioning class at 5:45 am twice a week. I feel old here, I mean I am a senior. I am ready to graduate. I live in the cutest historic home ever with hardwood floors throughout. I spend my Thursdays with inner-city Middle Schoolers, and I would have it no other way. Running is my time to think, breathe, escape, and relax everyday. I'm still a Theta :) I'm obsessed with my church. Coffee makes everything better. I miss my family more than I ever have (since freshmen year at least). I'm taking a year off before I start grad school (if I ever start). My five roommates are hilarious - one of them brought a stray cat inside tonight and I almost killed it, literally. I love candles. People come and go. Things never stop changing in college. I love the wisdom of old people. These Presidential debates are making me nervous. I was made to be outside. I miss the beach. I'm due for a random road trip. Any suggestions? Moving on...

Jen came in town (took a break from corporate America) and laughed with me, encouraged me, and laughed some more. How I miss this girl.

Aggie Rings. I know, it seems lame. Who gets college rings? EVERY Aggie. One more reason to make fun of us...ha, but really, its a huge deal when you finally get your Aggie Ring at ATM after taking 91 credit hours. I think I have 120 hours now.

Being Katie.

A few roommates at Kim's wedding. People are getting married everywhere :)

Kia and Tay Tay making some cookies at my house one afternoon. They are the reason I'm here.

Tay got glasses and braces while I was away this summer. Ohhh Middle School.

I have the cutest brother ever. I went to his football game in Austin (only an hour from me!) at UT last weekend. The Razorbacks got killed, but it was such a sweet day spent with my parents and I loved getting to see Austin suited up in uniform. I saw him for like 10 minutes after the game before he flew back to Fayetteville with the team...just long enough to get a hug and snap a picture.

He's huge.

Hey..he's wearing my last name :)

One more before you go Austin! Proud sister. I miss him.

All because of Grace.

To Be Violent

"And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force." Matthew 11:12

A common Scripture...approached from many differing perspectives, but I have been pondering what it means to be be spiritually violent....these are some of the ways the Lord has challenged me to be violent, so that i may lay hold of the Kingdom of Heaven - the Kingdom I long to know and encounter... Violence for me in this season entails...

Growing in Knowledge of the Word
A heart that is alive and kept with the utmost of care
Retreating to the secret place behind a shut door
A lifestyle of Fasting and Intercession
Adequate sleep
Worshiping Lips
Daily surrender of my will
To be bold within my collegiate circles
Welcoming brokenness
Laying aside my calendar
Falling in love with the Bridegroom God
Defending the widow and the orphan
Embracing lonely days
Turning my cell phone off
Giving of my first fruits
Calling out the good in others
More Listening
Finding joy in the mundane
Choosing to take every thought captive
Diligence and excellence in little tasks
Gazing and Listening
Realizing that death in this life means life eternal with my Maker
Weeping for the lost
Asking for more grace, more love, more life, more revelation, more opportunity - I want more!

I have so far to go, so much more to attain in the spiritual realms of violence. So many things are warring for me affections, my attention, my intellect, my thoughts, and my future. Defend me Jesus, lest I become weary. Arm me with your armor. Anoint me with Your power. Fight for me as I struggle against the expectations of this fallen world.

Goodbye LA...Hello Texas

Summer is officially over for this girl. I made it back to Texas late Thursday night and I began classes today. It has been a quick turn around for me to say the very least. It has been really sweet to catch up with friends here...but to be honest, it has been a somewhat of a difficult transition for me. Texas is tack-nasty hot and humid - just sick really...and I have received 321 mosquito bites in the 4 days that I have been back here. Ha, but for real...I feel like part of my heart is still in LA...and right now I am just praying for my heart to catch up with the rest of my body geographically. The culture is way different here, obviously...and there are days when my heart just feels super vulnerable about being back here...leaving my eyes always on the verge of tears. This is a good place to be, but not necessarily easy. I have definitely hit the ground running - leaving little time for me to really take adequate time to gather some of my lingering thoughts from this summer. Today I was able to set some time aside and do just this. With Bible, pen, and journal in hand I just began to jot down some simple thoughts and revelations from the summer. Some are more serious than others...some are more personal while others are broad and vague. So here we go, with very little format...and mostly heart's cries ---

• The beauty of doing what one is called to do is indescribable.
• I resolve to hold loosely the things which my Jesus has graciously entrusted me with in order to bless others in His name.
• I love to write...a lot. Something about writing really stirs my affections for the Lord. I resolve to write diligently this year and to be better about sharing my writings with others.
  
• Community is not a commodity, but completely necessary in ministry and in life.
• There is always Hope.
• I have a unique calling upon my life...I will not fight that fact any longer.
• I will adopt - there is no greater picture of the Gospel.
• Where the Spirit of the Lord is made welcome - He dwells, and where He dwells freedom reigns.
  
• Discipleship - something I need to believe in more. It's powerful.
  
• I love the grace of my Maker...words do no justice on this one, so I'll leave it at that.
• Living a life surrendered is the best way to experience the faithfulness of the Father. The steps I take in abandoned faith - this is where I encounter the Father the most.
• I will be grateful, on my face grateful, every single day. Period.
• Cultural diversity sharpens one another, while uniformity is dangerously toxic.
  
• I am selfish.
• How refreshing it is to be surrounded with those who have kindred spirits, who love the Word, and who are running hard after our King...thank you Jesus.
  
• "Big dreamers do not have time to swim in the pool of subtle offenses". - Matthew Barnett
• The books of Isaiah and Hebrews - this is where I meditated most this summer. Much to be learned here.
• I have been taken, blessed, and broken in order to be given. Forever.
• There is something intrinsic within me that lives to love on the less fortunate, the broken, and the addicted.
  

I am going to end there...in fears that the list is getting too long and you are about to quit reading :) This summer was life changing...I am sure I will reference it more on this blog. From one of my prayers back in July...

"Let my life always be given to You Jesus and to people. Holy Spirit, open the gates of Heaven - let Heaven come unto Earth...Let that be my calling, my journey, my desire - to see Heaven upon this earth. Sometimes I feel like I am so far from experiencing this...yet I love receiving glimpses of Heaven, and I have seen many this summer - I see it in the worshiping lips speaking and singing Your Word, I see Heaven's citizens in the people I am serving alongside, I see the childlike faith in the hands that I hold in the projects, I hear the sounds of Heaven when I commune with You Jesus...yet I cannot fathom the culmination of all of these things in one Dwelling Place...and to live There forever...how I long for that day...but until then - I am believing in Your power, in Your grace - that I might experience Heaven here on this earth. Thank you for the glimpses...I cannot wait for the full encounter".

Pray for me as I adjust back to life in college. Actually, pray I don't adjust too much...that I don't get comfortable...but that my heart will be settled. There are many unknowns in my life right now...I feel the weight of these things in my spirit daily. I know I am called to be here for this season...and I am excited about this upcoming year and the opportunities ahead. I was back in the projects yesterday here...it didn't take me long - I could not wait to see my girls (they are in the picture at the very bottom of this website). I took Tay Tay to get school supplies last night before here first day of school and then of course to Sonic. I love those girls...

On a side note...keep my parents in your prayers as well...they head out to Africa tomorrow as they are moving forward with constructing an orphanage in Malawi. You can follow their journey here : 1millionorphans.com --- what a calling. God is sovereign.

Smile today.