Hey, Just Wondering...?

"What is man, that you make so much of him, and that you set your heart on him, visit him every morning and test him every moment?"
Job 7:17-18

Just wondering about His love for me this day.....
Baffling.

2009 In Review

As I began the oh-so-typical reflection that occurs at this time of year, I had much to consider. 2009 was a big year for this girl...a lot of changes, some growing up, much forced growth, tough decisions, many opportunities, and a few milestones.

*My 2009 was jump-started by some sweet time in Australia...where I was able to reconnect with Jesus as I completely disconnected with society.
*January 1, 2009 welcomed in Kansas City, MO at iHOP's One Thing Conference - forever has marked my life and altered my view of worship.
*Began my last semester of college @ Texas A&M, wrapping of four years of relationships, ministry, learning, and blessing.
*March 2009 - returned to LA and revisited the streets and projects in the inner city where I served the previous summer

*March 2009 - ran my first half-marathon in 28 degree, windy weather
*March 2009 - purchased my first business suit and interviewed @ Dallas Heart Group (I was terrified)
*April 2009 - Ayrshire Parents Weekend...my 12 dearest friends and each set up parents congregated in College Station for a weekend of fun
*May 2009 - Attended my last class @ Texas A&M
*May 2009 - Moved in with the then stranger-widow-Brenda Bailey...wow, thank you Jesus.
*May 2009 - Began an internship @ Dallas Heart Group.
*Summer 2009 - First experiences of working "in the real world"
*July 2009 - To Tampa to see/experience the beginnings of Covenant Life Church
*August 2009 - Accepted a full-time job offer from Dallas Heart Group to begin in September
*August 2009 - Graduated from Texas A&M
*August 2009 - Spent some time away in Kansas City @ the House of Prayer...my choice place for resting and solitude in the Spirit.
*Aug-Sept 2009 - Ventured to Malawi, Africa -- which ruined me forever...in a good way.
*September 2009 - Began working full time @ Dallas Heart Group
*Mid-September 2009 - Let the marathon training begin...
*October 2009 - Moved into an apartment in Uptown Dallas
*October 2009 - A&M vs Arkansas @ Cowboys Stadium

*November 2009 - Learned to pay bills, rent, set up direct deposits, manage a credit card, budget an income, choose insurance benefits, 401k, and be a single, working woman - interesting place to find oneself
*December 2009 - Ran and finished the White Rock Marathon in 4 hours and 43 minutes. Decent.

*December 2009 - Home for the holidays...for a few days vs. a month
*New Years Ever 2009 - Spent with many of my closest friends...big D NYE!


2010. Here we are.

Then He who sat on the throne said, "Behold, I make all things new," And He said to me, "Write for these words are true and faithful" And He said to me, "It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. I will give of the fountain of the water of life freely to him who thirsts.
Revelation 21:5-6

Maranatha

....if I ever get a tattoo...it will say "Maranatha"

"O Lord, come!" 1 Corinthians 16:22

Take me away with You...

"For your love is better than wine" Song of Solomon 1:2

So much better than the pleasures of this age...

"And the Spirit and the bride say, "Come!" And let him who hears say, "Come!" Revelation 22:17

May my life beckon Your return...

"Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of Heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband..." Revelation 21:2

Sanctify, redeem, and prepare us as the holy bride made ready for the Bridegroom Jesus Christ...
Maranatha.
O Come Lord Jesus.

"They shall see His face and His name shall be on their foreheads" Revelation 22:4

Marked as Yours...

"God himself will be with them and be their God" Revelation 21:3

Face to face. Holding Your hand in mine.

"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes, there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away...Behold, I make all things new..." Revelation 21:4-5

Dreaming of that day.
Overwhelmed by the reality of eternity.
Preoccupied with the visions of Heaven.
Envious of those who are already There.
Anticipating sitting at Your feet.
Anxious to sing in Your ear.
Ready to run into Your arms.
Maranatha.

Free by Fascination

"A man who has lost his sense of wonder is a man dead."
*William of Saint-Thierry

How easy it is to lose the sense of wonder for our Maker...
My mind is hard pressed in this new season, ever looming with the wonderings of the secondary...
....responsibilities
....finances
...bills
...running
...rest
...cooking
...relationships
...a husband
...future
...a new city
...limited time
...roommates
...jobs

Selfish. I have discovered this crazy, strong part of me...this sense of entitlement. I have agreed with the lies of Satan as I have adopted this idea of entitlement, of demanding that which I choose to be called mine...

I deserve this.
I said this, therefore...
I've always had this, I should always have it.
I'm gifted in this area, so I should go there.
I worked for this money, I get to decide where it goes.
I went to college, so I should be doing this, getting this.
I come from this family, so..
I did this, so I should have this.

Oh no...Not that I would ever voice these things...or hardly even think them in my own mind...it's very much subconscious...and very subtle...yet evil, dangerous, and consuming. Come oh winds of testing...let the winds blow. Come oh winds of refreshing...let the winds blow over me.

....oh how grateful I am that I serve the God of "more grace"...I need more.
I deserve death. Nothing more.
Forgive me Jesus for my unrelenting attempt of self-preservation.

Let me be free.
Free to be fascinated.
Fascinated with You.
Your glory.
Your coming.
Your grace.
Your calling.
Your majesty.
Your creation.
The union of my soul with Yours.
Make ready Your bride...

What are you wondering about?
Wonder about something...about Someone.

Simple Words

Start by doing what's necessary;

.....then do what's possible;

and suddenly you are doing the impossible.
---Saint Francis of Assisi

Coming back to Life...

I have been a sketchy blogger and a lazy writer the past few months...
I'm going to try to revive this thing in coming weeks...

But for now...a few things I am learning in the world of practicality post-college in no particular order:

1. I have diagnosed myself several times to be experiencing an identity crisis...this leads to sudden and rash decisions such as chopping my hair, booking plane tickets, wearing high top converses with my scrubs, baking a lot, going to bed at 10pm, going to get frozen yogurt by myself...and things of the like.

2. Training for a marathon is somewhat difficult people.

3. Men with little dogs freak me out. They are everywhere around my apartment in Uptown.

4. I have mostly conquered my fear of toll roads.

5. Dallas is fun, but still not as cool as LA.

6. There are weird people everywhere.

7. Waking up at 5:15am gives me some weird sense of accomplishment.

8. Laying down anywhere after work is not a good idea = asleep in moments. Hard to recover from this.

9. Dallas drivers are the worst I've seen.

10. I love the Village Church...a lot.

11. Living in an apartment is much easier than living in a home...who knew?

12. I need a big dog to run with me...but I refuse to have an inside dog...which poses a problem when you live in an apartment.

13. The idea of a pay check is still weird to me...like it's weird that they keep paying me over and over again.

14. I love being categorized with the group "young professionals"...haaaha.

15. It is a strange thing to enter the working world as a 22 yr old, single woman.

16. The thought of a family excites me more than ever before.

17. Speaking of family...I miss mine...some days more than I did when I was in college...strange.

18. Gmail is necessary.

19. I am currently up too late.

20. This is a random post. Get over it.

Real stuff..coming your way soon :)

Release

"Roll the whole burden of life upon the Lord. Leave with Jehovah not thy present fretfulness merely, but all thy cares; in fact submit the whole tenor of thy way to Him. Cast away all anxiety, resign thy will, submit thy judgment, leave all with the God of all...the ploughman sows and harrows, and then leaves the harvest to God. What can he do else? He cannot cover the heavens with clouds, or command the rain, or bring forth the sun, or create the dew. He does well to leave the whole matter with God, and so to all of us it is truest wisdom, having obediently trusted in God, to leave results in His hands and expect a blessed issue."
--Spurgeon

Release your cares.
Breathe deeply.
Be still.
Listen.
Hear the Spirit's groaning on your behalf.
Be free.

For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Romans 8:26

And the God of PEACE will CRUSH Satan under your feet SHORTLY. The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you. Amen. Romans 16:20

...more than conquerors...